If you knew you were going to die one year from today, what type of healthcare professional would you want to be remembered as? How are healthcare professionals that come behind you going to know that you were here? These are some of the brutal questions I asked when I found myself in a space were I felt unintentional, purposeless, and useless as a healthcare provider despite working in a profession that I didn’t choose but chose me. Yes, I know these questions are a bit harsh and scary, but it was my reality at that time in my life.
You see although I was “working” in my dream career that I didn’t choose but chose me, making loads of money, and being comfortable; I was unhappy, miserable, & depressed! I would often find myself saying “ God you called me to healthcare to work 12 hour shifts with 6 patients of which 3 are total care and the other 3 need IV pushes every 2 hours, and the family keeps coming to the nurses station every other hour asking a new question (Let’s keep it real, I know some of my nurses feel me on this, LOL) and my feet feel like rocks”, Really!!! I begin to get burnt out, broken, busted, and disgusted because in a sense I felt purposeless. Now don’t get me wrong, I took very good care of my patients (and their families, LOL), made a difference in their life’s, and learned sooooooo much, but I still felt like “ok so this is it?” “This is all it is to what you called me to do God?”
These feelings of purposelessness, uselessness and being unintentional continued for about 5 more years as I migrated to various areas of nursing thinking that I would find the “job” that would help me fill this purposeless void that I was feeling as a healthcare professional. Well needless to say it didn’t!! And honestly the feelings of uselessness, misery, and unhappiness grew stronger and stronger. But God!!!!!
Finally I crashed & burned and I gave up! I gave up because what I was doing just wasn’t working, so I felt like “well just let it be what it is going to be and just get your checks Nicole”. But something just kept tugging at me and wouldn’t leave me alone. Can you say But God again, LOL! For anyone that knows me, they know I am a very spiritual person (not perfect by any means), so I went back to the one thing that remained consistent in my life and that was the word of God and there laid the word of God which told me “ The purpose of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out (Proverbs 20:5). So to put this into perspective I was born with a divine purpose as a healthcare professional and either I was going to discover it or I was going to miss it!
At that moment I knew that if I wanted to feel useful, purposeful, and intentional as a healthcare provider that I had to do something that I had never done and that was to discover why did God call me to healthcare. Discover why did he call me to be a nurse...Discover why was this calling placed on my life. But to grasp a true understanding, I had to go deep into places that I had never been, ask questions that I wasn’t ready for the true answer to, ask questions that would force me to face some of my biggest fears and rehash some down right ugly areas from my past to conceive MY purpose as a healthcare professional and not the label that has been placed on what a nurse is supposed to be, but the reason God chose Nicole to be a nurse.
So I began asking myself a series of questions such as: Why do I want to determine my purpose as a healthcare professional? When I transition to the other side, what type of healthcare provider do I want to be remembered as? What am I passionate about as a healthcare professional? What am I naturally good at? What brought me joy as a child? What things am I doing as a healthcare professional and in my personal life that do not bring me joy & fulfillment? When it is all said and done, what matters the most to me as a human being and a healthcare professional and am I on track with this right now?
These are just a few of the many questions that I asked myself to discover my divine purpose as a healthcare provider. Yes, on some of the questions I would do everything I could to avoid answering them because they made me face fears that I had, acknowledge things that I needed to change, identify things that I really wasn’t good at and on other hand, on some of the questions I would breath a breathe of fresh air because I was able to finally able to get out certain things that had smothered deep down inside of me, but regardless these are the questions that lead me to finding what MY purpose as a healthcare professional was.
So as you can see, the questions that I asked myself to start my journey of discovering my purpose as healthcare provider consisted of me connecting my personal being with my professional being, marrying the 2 so that I could conceive MY purpose as a healthcare professional.
What about you? Are you ready to conceive your purpose as a healthcare professional? If you are not then that is fine (just know you will never be fulfilled), but if you are I would love to share this journey with you. I encourage you to take a step back and get to truly know thy self. Yes it will cause some pain, frustration, and stir up a lot of emotions, but I promise you on the other side you will find true joy, peace, happiness, and YOUR purpose as a healthcare professional.